Rain and sunshine

Rain and sunshine

North Texas is known for crazy weather, but this year has been unbelievable.

I took these photos one afternoon last week when we had a quick shower, but the afternoon sun was still shining. If you look hard enough you can barely see the traces of rain. Rain and sunshine, the combination illustrates how I am feeling about my life. This week, I have discovered 2 more of that life shifting paradigms. Both of fill me with grief and pain of what life has been and hope of what life might be. The first one was finding that underneath my inability of to open mail, to go want to go to work, to want to be involved with people is the fear or dread that they want something from me. There was a time in my life when I thrived on people wanting something from me. The more demands the better. It fed my ego that I was able to provide something no one else could, that I didn’t need what other people need. Most importantly, it kept me busy enough to not deal with the fact that I have needs that weren’t being met. The second thing I learned today is that I want to meet your needs so that I do not cause you to suffer. This wasn’t a new concept, I have heard it before. But today, it was different for me. This goes deep inside of me. What I need to learn is that I am not responsible for the needs of everyone else. Listen, I can type those words as a sentence. I can give a definition of the words, but I don’t have a clue what really believing it would mean for me. My doctor suggested that I watch for being drawn to that response in my relationships. Of course, that is what frightens me the most. I don’t know how to approach people if I am not trying to meet their needs. And even more frightening is that I have to know and express what my needs are. The other advice my doctor had for me was to rest in the confidence and peace of knowing God within me, and knowing that everyone else has that same resource, God within them, to meet their needs. This photo fills me with peace, a peace that only God can bring. I hope it fills you with peace too.